Author: heianhaven

I finally went to bed last night after finishing the markings for the migoro and okumi (body and overlap).

Today I finished marking the sleeves and collar pieces, cut everything out, and edged all the pieces.

I’m covered in tiny synthetic threads. The way this stuff sheds is unbelievable. I honestly expected the fabric to be so awful I’d have to figure out something else. This just really reinforces to me that I don’t want to make anything from fabric like this ever again. Ick.

And tomorrow I start stitching the upper. I need to make one of those absolutely tedious lists of the steps again to keep myself on track.

The keyboard mocks me I hear laughter In the click Of each backspace press

The cursor calls with each pulse A taunt and promise of more

I deleted a paragraph from my post yesterday about how my anxiety is affecting my progress. I should have left it in. Basically, I was repeatedly browning out. I’d catch myself sitting or standing completely still, mind blank, like someone wiped my operating system. It’s a stress reaction I’ve come to expect from myself.

Here’s the big secret. My anxiety has beaten me in the past. I usually become physically ill and am unable to fully complete whatever it is, or just barely make it through. I need to make it through this pair of contests. The reward is worth it. The outfit will be gorgeous and help complete another ensemble. I’ll get to share my art. I don’t want to barely make it through, I want to finish strong.

So right now I’m fighting my anxiety. It has me on the ropes, and I desperately want to rally.

Anxiety lies. Turns deadlines into lions. Seizes momentum.

What truth awaits breaking through Entanglements of falsehoods?

I’m steadily working my way through the steps, one by one. I’ve finished marking the sleeves and am moving on to pinning them for stitching.

I paused after stitching the sleeves. I’m not positive how to join the lining to the upper. Right now I’m likely to fall back on whip stitches. Because order of operations for that is still jumbled in my head, I did not attach the sleeves to the lining. It may be best to finish the sleeves independently and attach the finished sleeves to the finished garment.

That makes it time to cut out the brocade.

I took the time to fiddle with my serger. It’s all but seized up. So that will not be an option for edging which means I’m overcasting the edge with a zig-zag stitch using my regular sewing machine.

The brocade is kinda icky. I had to change from my ceramic marking pencil to a broader (and less precise) chalk marker. Ugh. But there’s brocade in the floor and it’s slowly becoming covered in chalk marks. On the back. Because the fabric pulls if you mark the front. Boo.

I’m trying to be very calm about the fact that I’m going to have a hard time finishing the lining before the end of the year.

Today’s tasks: Press all seams. Mark the collar. Pin the collar. Stitch the collar on. Mark the sleeves. Sew the sleeves. Pin the sleeves. Stitch the sleeves on.

Let’s see what I can get through…

I’ve pressed all the seams and am moving on to marking the collar.

I paused between marking the collar and pinning it to give it a pressing.

Now that I have the collar pinned on, I have to decide if I’m folding it neatly on my lap or leaving it on the dining room table for stitching.

I left it on the table to stitch the collar on.

Took another brief break to press a sleeve before beginning the marking up.

And it’s getting on toward midnight. Looks like champagne and sleeves for the New Year. Cheers!

Time for reflection Contemplation of one’s place And where we have been.

Cherish what we can of it And move toward the future

I’m feeling overwhelmed. I imagine I’ll feel this way, off and on, until things are turned in for Crown’s A&S.

At last it comes, this Crushing wave of overwhelm Immobilizing

Dashed upon the rocky shore The sea will always retreat.

I’m trying to focus on just the next step, but I do want to break down the rest of the uwagi lining so I can keep the next step straight.

Thread mark the migoro. Complete.

Pin okumi to migoro. Essentially done. I have them pinned on with the pins running horizontally on top of the stitch line. I’ll re-pin vertically in sections as I sew.

Sew okumi. One is attached. I’ll finish the other (which is fully prepped and re-pinned) before I quit for the night.

I guess this means the collar and sleeves get squished together into the same day.

So tomorrow will be Press all seams. Mark the collar. Pin the collar. Stitch the collar on. Mark the sleeves. Sew the sleeves. Pin the sleeves. Stitch the sleeves on.

I did manage to finish something else though. My documentation had one last step, the conclusion. I had a list of things I’d learned as an outline. I thought of a line that I wanted to include, so I popped into the document and before I knew it, my list had transformed into a handful of paragraphs and I had a mostly done paper. And it’s actually calming my overwhelm a little. I know I could turn my documentation in right now and it would be just fine. I’ll still go over it one last time after I update the uwagi section, but it’s essentially done. Wow.

Last night I finished edging the migoro at the center front opening. I was up much too late, but the work is done.

Let’s see if I can think through all the steps for okumi attachment. What needs to be marked on the migoro (body) has been marked in fabric pencil. I need to mark out the lines on the okumi (overlap). Once I have the lines marked, I’ll thread mark the pencil lines so they’re visible on both sides of the fabric. Then it’s pinning and stitching.

Sounds doable.

OH! but there is actually one other thing! The okumi have a raw edge. I’ll need to hem those edges so they don’t fray. Insert that task either before or after thread marking.

Now we’ve hit the it’ll be impressive to get that done today stage. But that’s ok. I’ve set the collar and the sleeves each on their own days, so if there’s a little bleed over from the okumi step on to another day, that day’s task should be able to share. I hope.

I’m really trying to get the lining complete by New Year’s Eve.

The sun stretches out Long fingers of colourful  Clouds as she departs

A dear friend waving farewell I’ll see you in the morning.

I’m trying to be very careful. I can not afford to make mistakes at this point. There’s less than two weeks to go. Pressure just redoubled. I know they sought out and found judges for my entry. That’s both exciting and terrifying.

Time to stab fabric. Goals for the day: (1) finish the edge of the migoro (body panel), (2) mark out the seam lines for the okumi (overlap panels) attachment, (3) attach the okumi.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be on the couch under a pile of silk.

When has the pressure Become just too much to bear? I feel it creeping

It stalks like a predator Cold eyes shining in the dark

The poems have been a good outlet for my anxiety.

The migoro has a finished edge and the stitch lines are marked out for the okumi attachment. And now we have a brief pause while I edge a different part of the migoro where I cut it open – this is the front center, the edges where the okumi attach. Fun times.

Third time is the charm, looks like the okumi will be attached tomorrow.

As I write this, I have yet to put needle to fabric and it’s almost 8pm. I had an errand today that zapped my energy. I have the silk folded and ready for it’s next stitches and couldn’t manage to thread a needle.

How to keep going When motivation falters And you want to stop?

Return to the beginning Find or rekindle the spark.

So I opened up my documentation. I polished the text. Moved images from the bibliography to the body to make it easier to read. Added an extra source for comparison. Reformatted the entire bibliography to Turabian. And I’m still not feeling the spark of joy in it.

I’d hoped writing it out would knock whatever this ennui-inducing nonsense is right out.

No such luck.

Am I procrastinating because I realize I have to finish the edges of this at least a little so it doesn’t fray too badly even though no one will ever see it? Maybe. <Groan> Fine. Time to stab fabric with a needle repeatedly. After dinner. I may have forgotten to eat today. Maybe that’s the problem?

No, food wasn’t the issue. Just a general lack of motivation. Boo.

The second side seam is finished. Now I’m moving on to finishing the raw edge. I’m just folding the edge over by 1/8 inch or less and securing it with a running stitch at about 10 stitches per inch. It’s taking a little bit of time. I’m definitely finishing the brocade by machine – it’ll be faster and the machine will do a better job of it, especially if my serger cooperates.

Maybe I’ll actually get to the okumi tomorrow?

I can tell that my documentation is getting into the shape it needs to. It’s happened at least twice now that I wanted to make sure I articulated a particular concept only to find I had already satisfied the point. Maybe I’m just forgetting what I’ve already edited…either way, the information is included and I’m pleased with how it’s communicated.

I’m also pleased with my progress today.

And my floor is clean.

So after I mopped the floor, I laid out the silk and had an easier time marking it than the previous two times. I think it being silk taffeta helped. The marking pencil drew on the fabric better than the other two weaves of silk, more easily? And I somehow managed to cut it out in a supremely tidy fashion. And you better believe that I immediately cut the angles in the okumi (overlap panels) so there was no chance of messing that up again.

I did stray from the pattern slightly. I cut the sleeves longer. I don’t know if the garment I’m working from isn’t actually an uwagi and is some other upper layer or if it simply isn’t made to be worn with the hitoe. The pattern calls for the uwagi sleeves to be shorter than the hitoe sleeves which would cause the hitoe sleeve to bunch up in the uwagi sleeve. The sleeves are meant to nest neatly inside one another, they lay flat, see the sleeves on the court ensemble worn by Empress Michiko in November 1990:

Nice and flat. Nobunching from a layer being bigger than the one above it.

But it will be a day or two before I work on the sleeves. After getting all the pieces completely cut out, I marked out the body. It probably would have been a good idea to mark the okumi stitch lines too, but I didn’t. I raced ahead to sewing and have a completed back seam and one side seam to show for it so far. My goal was to have the uwagi cut out and the back seam finished, so total win!

Tomorrow’s goal is to have the okumi attached.

The pressure is on To perform at top level And beat the deadline

Competing against myself, Success lies in finishing.