A friend asked me today, “What happened with your project with the 12 layered robes?”
I actually felt shame telling him the project was still in the same state as the last time we talked about it over a year ago.
We should never feel shame about a project of our own devising with our own arbitrary deadlines. When other people are involved and real deadlines exist, that’s another story. I have one of those too.
I’ve been stuck. My regular life is increasingly complicated and stressful and it has been hard to focus on what I enjoy doing. Research. Garment construction. Sharing information.
How do we get unstuck when there looks like there’s no avenue of escape, no road from here to there? I’m not sure, but I keep trying, and maybe that’s the key. Keep trying. Eventually something will give or I’ll completely burn out from trying and failing. So how do we avoid burnout from multiple failures?
Give yourself a win.
Change your victory conditions. It doesn’t have to be big. Wash a dish. Read your notes. Lace up your sneakers. There’s a reasonable chance that taking that first step will make the next easier. But that first step is the hard part. You can make everything easier to take that first step, lay out your workout clothes, make a cup of tea, run the sink full of water.
This is when grit comes in to play.
Sometimes you have to make what feels like the hard choice. It’s so easy to let it go for another day, week, month, year…but that one choice can make all the difference. I frequently have to give myself a pep talk before a task. Be your own cheerleader! Repeat positive things in your head or even out loud. And then, make that choice. The choice to do something positive for yourself. The choice of movement vs stagnation.
So why am I stuck? I’m not making the hard choice. I’ve been taking the easy route. Letting the project sit. Leaving emails unread. Calling out of work. Succumbing to entropy. I can’t always summon the grit I need to do the thing. But I also haven’t been helping myself make the choice. I haven’t run the sink full of water or laid out my tools for a project. It’s been hard enough that crying is the go to for everything. Something breaks? Tears. Bad news? Sobs. Minor inconvenience? Go hide in the bathroom so no one sees me well up.
This is when you need extra help. And that’s ok.
Call a friend, or even better, make an appointment with your therapist. Because it shouldn’t be this hard. And you don’t have to do it alone. I’ve been upfront with my mental healthcare team. They know I’m struggling, and we’re all working on it together. I’m not sure how I’m going to get unstuck, but with help, I know I will. And that’s a good reminder. It will change. One way or another, circumstances will change and that hard choice will be just a little easier. Enough that grit can maybe make up the difference.
I’ve had this tab open for days. Trying to get a post written. Any post. This is not the post I thought I would write, but if my struggle can help even one person, it’s worth sharing.
Frozen in place, unable to take the next step due to what, fear?
I want to be brave and make the hard choices, every day.
